My mom is so quiet, I always saw how peaceful she was. I hardly heard my mom raising her voice or getting into an argument, this was amazing to me. But me on the other hand… I wish to be like my mom. She’s one of my role models. When I’m upset I tend to want the whole world to be upset too. I remember when I was younger if I had an argument I always went for the hit below the waist / belt (whatever they say in boxing). I wanted to hit to damage. I endeavored to change but I realized that I still have some traits peeping up in my marriage.
Well my husband is the opposite of me where it comes to arguments. I want to yell and get upset and stay mad in my corner, glare, and don’t talk even when he tries to talk. Then when he doesn’t say anything I run away with the idea that he’s not bothered probably because he doesn’t care. Then I get upset all over again. While my husband readily forgives and is eager to move forward.
I’ve always heard people say don’t ever assume a man can read your mind because he just can’t. No matter how much you try to reason it out, it’s just not a part of his make-up. Now me on the other hand I can add two and two together and it gives me four every time. If he does this then it must be that or if he says that then he wants this. Simple as that but, noooo the man doesn’t add patterns, or actions or nothing…. just kidding.
I remember one of the most common wedding advice we got was “you must learn to communicate, communication is key to making a marriage or any relationship work”. And it’s one of the best advice. A lot of our actions and words can be misread many times because as simple as it may be to you, our minds process things differently. This brings in to play our back ground, our exposure, our culture etc. All these things have to be taken into consideration when we’re dealing with another human being.
So the middle ground we came up with is to check in with each other monthly or whenever necessary. To talk about things, things that we don’t like, things we wish to change, things we like and wish to remain the same. No hard feelings, we must say exactly how we feel. So that in the future we will know what we need to work on or continue doing.
Is it working ? Yes, but we have to make a conscious effort to remember the things that offend. Is it hard? Very, habits are hard to break especially when we think we’re grown. But its worth it!!!
We’ll be with each other for a lifetime so we have to do our best to make it happy and peaceful. So as much as it gives me satisfaction when I let him have it, I have to take a step back and reconsider how this will affect us ten years down the road. When we have children how will we teach our children respect when we don’t respect ourselves.
What we do now can have lasting positive or damaging effects on our marriage.
We’re going to nip it in the bud!!!
God Help us on our journey!!!