To die is gain

To a sister in Christ , your time spent here with us was great! I’ve only interacted with you for brief moments and your radiance , your light shone through everytime. I’m absolutely positive that those closest to you were tremendously blessed and will miss you immensely because of how much you’ve touched their lives.

This takes me back to the longest conversation we’ve ever had. It was riddled with your faith in Christ and the great inner strength you possess. I admired that alot. I don’t know how you did it. You were the perfect example of demonstrating peace within the storm.

It makes me think about the little conversations I’ve had with random people, will it leave an impact on them as much as yours did me? Life is definitely not about the big moments but about the little moments that leaves big impact on people’s lives.

For me every time I encountered you, you beamed of hope, joy, you had such a peaceful garment over you. I can’t think of a time I saw you and you look sad or troubled. I admired you!

Even though I’ve only had minimum exposure to you, all I honestly ever saw was Christ in you. You beamed Christ! I know for sure you have had your fare amount of trials and tests but yet if you hadn’t shared that part of your life with me, I would have never known. I believe you finished well. I’m positive those closest to you will attest to this. You ran this race well my sister. Now I can only aspire to leave such an indelible mark on everyone I meet. For them to see Christ in and through me Like I saw Him through you. I admired you.

I mourn with your loved ones but also I’m rejoicing with you because you gained heaven, you gained eternity, the hope and joy in which we live for. Philippians 1:21 says, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

ENJOY HEAVEN MY SISTER!!!

DEDICATED TO SUZANNE ABIGAIL HOYTE

Thoughts of one of the many lives you’ve impacted. Thank you!

I wish I could’ve said this to your face 😥😪

Your soul will rest in peace!

It’s not too late!!!

I just feel the deep urgency to tell you that God is with you. You might be at the end of your rope ready to give up on everything. But God is right there, please do not give up just yet. You will win if you just keep holding on to Christ. God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those are crushed in the spirit. Don’t be so quick to blame God for your pain, be humble, seek him, cry out to Him and He will see you through.

I know so many are struggling, like really really struggling right now and you don’t know what else to do or which way to turn. My friends please turn to God. King Jesus alone can help you! I promise if you faint not and keep trusting in Him He will see you through. Fight through, the enemy will cheer you on to quit the race but don’t let the enemy win. Its hard but keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. Don’t quit now, don’t give up just yet. Your victory is right around the corner.

You may think you’re the only one struggling but you are not alone. You be the survivor, be the one to say God brought me through, you be the one to tell the that others that it’s possible to make it even when you’re at your lowest. You tell them that there is hope. You keep fighting, do it for the others just like you.

You can make it through!!!!!

You can do it!!!!

Please give it one more try!!!!!

The internet is not all that bad

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It was approaching Christmas in the year 2013. It was my tradition to always spend my Christmas in the country side with my parents. I’ll forever cherish those moments. The last-minute cleaning and shopping. Oh how I loved throwing out old items from my parents cabinet, which they always fret about but I think they secretly thank me for doing it. Cooking and spending time with the family is an all time favorite. Anyway I’ll write about Christmas another time, even though talking about it now is making me super excited about spending my first Christmas alone with my husband. :-). 

This is how it happened, I received a friend request on Facebook on the 3rd December,2013 that changed my life forever. I accepted and the rest is history. ok, ok I’ll let you in on the details. So Dwayne Bagot who happens to be my husband saw this really beautiful full eyed girl on his page. He was stunned at her beauty and said to himself , she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, I must married her. So he clicked on the request button, his heart fluttered as he sent it. Will she ever respond to my request? He thought, she has to for she must be mine foreverrrr. If he tells you otherwise it’s only because he’s shy.

We passed the initial stage, I accepted his request he expressed his gratitude and there marked the beginning of a beautiful friendship. We started off casually checking in on each other. Then graduated to can’t wait to hear from each. We messaged each other every single day, not even exaggerating. 

I remember how he had me waiting just so I could hear his voice for the first time. Boy was I nervous , then it was when we video chatted for the first time. I used to get all dressed up just so we can video chat lol, angled my face so he’d see my cute dimples. The first time we met in person was 6 months after we met online, It was awesomeness! We made it official on the 1st May 2014.

After a few months I just couldn’t take my mind off of this guy who dressed so dapper. He’s a great dresser, ah loved it, I still do! Anyways before I met him I used to write love letters to my future husband telling “him” that I’m waiting for him and I can’t wait to meet him and all that.  I would write letters to God too telling him I met this guy and I think he’s the one. It was so cute, Now I don’t know where those letters are. I need to find them. Wait i think i gave those letters to Him… I hope he still has them. 

Long story short He stuck through with me, never gave up on us for one minute. Even when the distance got so overwhelming, every time I asked him  are you still waiting ? His answer would always be yes I’m still waiting. I’ve never had someone who was so faithful to me and for that I’ll be grateful for a lifetime. 

By the way he was the first guy I introduced to my dad , instead of Dwayne being the nervous wreck I was shaking in my boots, no my sandals, stuttering and all that crazy stuff lol. I’m his wife now and really now the rest is history. 

We Met on Facebook!

Some long distance relationships do work!

The Internet is not all bad after all!

The End

My memories…

One of the areas I’ve been challenged the most in is my memory. I have been struggling with my memory. At first I thought maybe its just a simple thing but it has kept me bound for a while. Its been one of the things the enemy has been using to devalue my self-worth.

I am very easily disoriented , like seriously your girl got lost in an area that I know very well, right on camp street, Georgetown, Guyana. I remember walking out of the mall and everything was in the opposite direction. The buses were going the wrong way, I was standing on the wrong side of the road, at least that’s how I felt. I really didn’t know what was going on. Lets not talk about here in the USA, I’ll just say it’s very hard getting around.  My attention to detail is minimal, if I see you and I don’t consciously make an effort to remember what you’re wearing, if someone asks me to describe your outfit I won’t be able to. I’d be having a conversation with you and lose my entire train of thought. Or if I’m retelling an event I won’t remember the order in which things happen or I’d either forget parts of what had happened. I remember faces sometimes but I won’t remember where or how I know that face. I’d just finish reading a passage and can’t tell you one thing I’ve read unless I read it two or three times. Yep the struggle is real.

I don’t necessarily want to be a preacher but I do want to be able to defend the gospel and spread it to as much persons as possible. But I often recoiled from doing it because of the fear of not remembering the verses or where it’s taken from.  In order  to quote scriptures I’d have to be reading it, or I’d have to rephrase it.  Sad right? 

Will I let this stop me, though? The old me would be sinking in depression but though I am weak I serve a God who is strong. So if I have to read every scripture in order to spread the gospel, that’s what I will do. I write a lot because it helps me to remember my thoughts, it keeps me focused. So if I have to write about God to let people know about him, thats what I will do. I’ll serve Him right where I’m at, with what I have.

I get so Jealous when I hear people reciting passages from the bible while I struggle to remember one verse. Oh how I wish I could be able to remember stuff like that.  Yes it hurts, it hurts like crazy. I’ve never really spoken about it before because I was afraid I’d be seen as an invalid. But I realize now its ok that you know my weaknesses because it is in my weakness that God’s strength is made perfect. Therefore I will rather boast in my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. As “my Pastor” 🙂  said we serve the God of the impossible , so when we’re faced with situations we have no control over , it’s time to rejoice because the God that we serve is more than able. He specializes in miracles. We get to show off our God. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Boasting in my weaknesses allows my faith to become stronger. When I do overcome obstacles, weaknesses and trials, I know it is not I who did it but Christ’s power working in and through me. 

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So if you’re using your inabilities to deter you from living and working for Christ, stop it. That’s no excuse , what you’re unable to do, God is able! He’s ALL POWERFUL! Give that weakness to God, rest it entirely at His feet. God  you do what you alone can, turn my mess into a message, use my weakness to show forth your perfect strength . Let that be our prayer every time the enemy uses our weakness as a weapon to cripple us.

Comparisons

Colossians 3:23-24  Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Truth be heard, we may never be the best at anything, that’s just reality. But does that mean we can’t be great? Ponder on that for a moment. Most times we’re seeking to achieve the title of “the best”, fighting to surpass everyone in the race. We miss out on simply being great.

The harsh truth is, whatever we do we can be assured that there just might be someone who does it ten times better. Will we let that hinder us from achieving greatness? Who ever said we can’t all be great? Some selfish person I bet… Sometimes I abhor the measures and guidelines society sets for us to follow. We are all unique in our own way, yet we have to follow general, one track guidelines in order to meet the criteria of being the best. Whose rules are we allowing ourselves to be governed by? Society or God? Lets face it, people will always try to measure your worth and give you titles as they see fit.Which by the way are mere opinions of fellow human beings. But I have great news, we do not have to accept them, we do not have to live by them. We have a choice, we can either accept what society may deem us or we can break free and be unapologetically who God called us to be!

This is how I believe we can be great at whatever we do. Develop a tunnel vision, lets not compare ourselves with others. Let’s not try to be like anyone else but Christ. Focus on what you’re doing, put your best foot forward and endeavor to make God proud, not men. Colossians 3:23-24

What can we do as members of society? Start appreciating people for their efforts. Don’t put on your judgmental goggles to start comparing them with others. See that person as the individual they are and value what he/ she has to offer. Don’t be like ahhh he could sing but his sister does a better job. No no no no no! He can sing! That’s it!!! Leave it right there!!! Do not add another word!!!!

Let’s strive to be great!!!

We all can be great!!!

What’s the best? Ain’t nobody got time for that!! lol

Never Again!

There has been countless times in the past I ended up drifting away from God. Thinking, maybe I can get by just fine without Him. He’s taking too long to come through for me anyways… Waiting is not something I do very well. Like for real, it’s like I start to twitch when I have to wait. I really dislike waiting so I would try to conquer that by always managing my time well. I love to plan ahead, get things sorted, put things in place, just so I wouldn’t have to wait. I tried not to keep people waiting so they would always think when the situation is reversed, Karmel is always early so don’t let me keep her waiting, but it seldom worked. 

When I’m hit with an uncontrollable situation where I have to wait, I’d start to have a panic attack. This is not how it was supposed to go, I planned everything step by step, or it needed to be completed by such and such time so that I can do this in order for me to get that.. *big sighs*. God I asked you to let this go accordingly. *bigger sigh*

In actuality I was trying to control my own life. I didn’t trust God even though I would say I do. I wanted God to do things my way. When he didn’t it would put distance between us. Why should I even pray when God doesn’t even listen? *eye rolling*

Most of my drifting has always been because I didn’t like to wait. Ok I’m done with God, I’m going to do this my way. And guess what happens… Yea you guessed it, I’d make things so much worse. If I had just waited in the first place, it wouldn’t have turned out like this. Taking things into my own hands was a way of telling God I can do a better job than He could.

As a teenager I asked God to teach me how to wait. How I wished I could take back that prayer. I never thought I’d still be getting lessons up until today.  I’d failed so many lessons and I wanted God to give me a free pass. Just put me to the other level forget about that prayer I made so long ago. But God is faithful to His promises.

No matter how much I try to stay on top of things, I still have to let go and trust God. I’m learning that now. Every time I take matters into my own hand it gets crazy. So as I journey with Christ I’m letting go, letting go of all my anxieties and worries, my dreams and aspirations. God really does know best. Looking back on my life I have so many ahhhhh moments. Oh God that’s why you allowed that to happen? WOW!!! Seeing the things God was trying to keep me from and understanding why he allowed certain to happen, that scripture comes to mind All things work together for good…

Never again!!! Will I try to take God out of the picture. Never again!!! Will I walk away from Him. Being far away from God is the last thing I want to do. Now that I know what being close to Him feels like. I never want to leave.

There’s a peace in my soul when I’m with Him!

Even in the storm He’s going to see me through!

 

The power of QT

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Yesterday was an amazing day! Its one of my husband’s days off. I enjoy when he’s home. Lets stay home forever babe… We had a “little” outing to the zoo but it left such an indelible mark on my heart and my memory. There isn’t anything in particular I can pinpoint that I enjoyed the most it was just being there with Him, having fun, seeing him making crazy videos, the little conversations, oh and posing for pictures, it was pure bliss.

Well of course we annoyed each other for brief moments like when I wanted to go see for myself what’s at the end of the line and my husband just wanted me to take his word for it. Man just leave me alone na! Or when my husband was protecting me from being run over by human beings and he insisted on saying move to the right 500 times. Thanks my husband for looking out for me!!!

The train rides, stopping on the way to get ice cream, watching each other mess ourselves up (with ice cream that is), shivering under the cold Ac in the busses.  We laughed our heads of when we got home, well I did most of the laughing. But the point is don’t take the little things for granted. Honestly I feel like I love him a little bit more because of the quality time we spent with each other. As simple as it may sound I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. Those are the moments that matter.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

New to the married life, I’m realizing that it’s the little intentional, sweet efforts we make that will keep the fire burning (and yes I’ve heard the fire can go out and it dies most times too). We cannot expect the marriage to grow if we don’t take the weeds out, give it some sunlight, water and proper soil. Make intentional efforts to cause your relationship to flourish. For too long the world has been comparing their relationships to Christians saying “things like a good live home is better than a broken marriage, or Christian couples don’t give me hope when they look like they’re only together because they don’t want a divorce, they look like they’re just enduring each other “. Yes those things are actually being said about christian marriages. Believe it or not we are being watched by the world and our youths. Let’s remember our lights have to shine in our relationship too. So lets shine them lights, yeah?

Let’s remember our wedding vows and work towards making this “till death do us part” thing be the best thing ever!

May God bless Our Unions!!!

Cheers to the married peoples!!!

 

Marriage: Conflict and Conflict Resolution

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My mom is so quiet, I always saw how peaceful she was. I hardly heard my mom raising her voice or getting into an argument, this was amazing to me. But me on the other hand… I wish to be like my mom. She’s one of my role models. When I’m upset I tend to want the whole world to be upset too. I remember when I was younger if I had an argument I always went for the hit below the waist / belt (whatever they say in boxing). I wanted to hit to damage. I endeavored to change but I realized that I still have some traits peeping up in my marriage.

Well my husband is the opposite of me where it comes to arguments. I want to yell and get upset and stay mad in my corner, glare, and don’t talk even when he tries to talk. Then when he doesn’t say anything I run away with the idea that he’s not bothered probably because he doesn’t care. Then I get upset all over again. While my husband readily forgives and is eager to move forward.

I’ve always heard people say don’t ever assume a man can read your mind because he just can’t. No matter how much you try to reason it out, it’s just not a part of his make-up. Now me on the other hand I can add two and two together and it gives me four every time. If he does this then it must be that or if he says that then he wants this. Simple as that but, noooo the man doesn’t  add patterns, or actions or nothing…. just kidding.

I remember one of the most common wedding advice we got was “you must learn to communicate, communication is key to making a marriage or any relationship work”. And it’s one of the best advice. A lot of our actions and words can be misread many times because as simple as it may be to you, our minds process things differently. This brings in to play our back ground, our exposure, our culture etc. All these things have to be taken into consideration when we’re dealing with another human being.

So the middle ground we came up with is to check in with  each other monthly or whenever necessary. To talk about things, things that we don’t like, things we wish to change, things we like and wish to remain the same. No hard feelings, we must say exactly how we feel. So that in the future we will know what we need to work on or continue doing.

Is it working ? Yes, but we have to make a conscious effort to remember the things that offend. Is it hard? Very, habits are hard to break especially when we think we’re grown. But its worth it!!!

We’ll be with each other for a lifetime so we have to do our best to make it happy and peaceful. So as much as it gives me satisfaction when I let him have it, I have to take a step back and reconsider how this will affect us ten years down the road. When we have children how will we teach our children respect when we don’t respect ourselves.

What we do now can have lasting positive or damaging effects on our marriage.

We’re going to nip it in the bud!!!

God Help us on our journey!!!

Life of a warrior

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Photo by Sharefaith on Pexels.com

Stop sugar-coating christianity!!! Straight up, this journey is not an easy one, but is it worth it? Yes absolutely! Worth every sacrifice. We have to build soldiers that are battle ready. Like the 300 chosen soldiers in Gideon’s army who lapped the water like dogs. We have become too thin-skinned not able to withstand little offenses.

The Christian walk will be filled with constant sacrifices we have to make. Constant tough decisions to make. The bible says “ Because strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leads unto life, and few there be that find it”.Matt 7:14 The word “strait” means a situation specified by a degree of difficulty or trouble. This shows us we have to be prepared for the troubles to come. They shouldn’t come to us by surprise. We have to keep our minds ready AT ALL TIMES for battle. The enemy will fight as long as it takes to win our soul, that’s why we need to stay focussed.

No, all your dreams may not be accomplished especially if it doesn’t line up with God’s plan for you. There may be times when we will lose everything like Job, will we still stand firm in the faith or are we going to give up? We should be prepared to lose it all for the sake of Christ, be ready to say for it is the Lord that gives and the Lord that taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord, Job 1:21 .

We need to be more deliberate with our walk in Christ. Our children need to see consistency, self-control and dedication. We cannot show the world one thing then our lives are totally wrecked behind closed doors. If we say we trust God then that’s what we ought to demonstrate at all times. This world is not getting easier for  us much less our children to grow up in. Our desire should be to influence the next generation to be the best warriors for Christ , to raise up righteous seeds that will rise up and bear fruits throughout the world. Instead of training our children to put priority on the secular things lets train them to make decisions that would impact the kingdom of Christ for generations to come. We ought to change our mindset. We are not of this world and therefore we are not entitled to the things of this world.

So lets put on the armor of God and be battle ready at all times! Ephesians 6:11-18

Im a soldier in God’s Army

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