Marriage: Conflict and Conflict Resolution

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My mom is so quiet, I always saw how peaceful she was. I hardly heard my mom raising her voice or getting into an argument, this was amazing to me. But me on the other hand… I wish to be like my mom. She’s one of my role models. When I’m upset I tend to want the whole world to be upset too. I remember when I was younger if I had an argument I always went for the hit below the waist / belt (whatever they say in boxing). I wanted to hit to damage. I endeavored to change but I realized that I still have some traits peeping up in my marriage.

Well my husband is the opposite of me where it comes to arguments. I want to yell and get upset and stay mad in my corner, glare, and don’t talk even when he tries to talk. Then when he doesn’t say anything I run away with the idea that he’s not bothered probably because he doesn’t care. Then I get upset all over again. While my husband readily forgives and is eager to move forward.

I’ve always heard people say don’t ever assume a man can read your mind because he just can’t. No matter how much you try to reason it out, it’s just not a part of his make-up. Now me on the other hand I can add two and two together and it gives me four every time. If he does this then it must be that or if he says that then he wants this. Simple as that but, noooo the man doesn’t  add patterns, or actions or nothing…. just kidding.

I remember one of the most common wedding advice we got was “you must learn to communicate, communication is key to making a marriage or any relationship work”. And it’s one of the best advice. A lot of our actions and words can be misread many times because as simple as it may be to you, our minds process things differently. This brings in to play our back ground, our exposure, our culture etc. All these things have to be taken into consideration when we’re dealing with another human being.

So the middle ground we came up with is to check in with  each other monthly or whenever necessary. To talk about things, things that we don’t like, things we wish to change, things we like and wish to remain the same. No hard feelings, we must say exactly how we feel. So that in the future we will know what we need to work on or continue doing.

Is it working ? Yes, but we have to make a conscious effort to remember the things that offend. Is it hard? Very, habits are hard to break especially when we think we’re grown. But its worth it!!!

We’ll be with each other for a lifetime so we have to do our best to make it happy and peaceful. So as much as it gives me satisfaction when I let him have it, I have to take a step back and reconsider how this will affect us ten years down the road. When we have children how will we teach our children respect when we don’t respect ourselves.

What we do now can have lasting positive or damaging effects on our marriage.

We’re going to nip it in the bud!!!

God Help us on our journey!!!

Life of a warrior

man holding bible
Photo by Sharefaith on Pexels.com

Stop sugar-coating christianity!!! Straight up, this journey is not an easy one, but is it worth it? Yes absolutely! Worth every sacrifice. We have to build soldiers that are battle ready. Like the 300 chosen soldiers in Gideon’s army who lapped the water like dogs. We have become too thin-skinned not able to withstand little offenses.

The Christian walk will be filled with constant sacrifices we have to make. Constant tough decisions to make. The bible says “ Because strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leads unto life, and few there be that find it”.Matt 7:14 The word “strait” means a situation specified by a degree of difficulty or trouble. This shows us we have to be prepared for the troubles to come. They shouldn’t come to us by surprise. We have to keep our minds ready AT ALL TIMES for battle. The enemy will fight as long as it takes to win our soul, that’s why we need to stay focussed.

No, all your dreams may not be accomplished especially if it doesn’t line up with God’s plan for you. There may be times when we will lose everything like Job, will we still stand firm in the faith or are we going to give up? We should be prepared to lose it all for the sake of Christ, be ready to say for it is the Lord that gives and the Lord that taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord, Job 1:21 .

We need to be more deliberate with our walk in Christ. Our children need to see consistency, self-control and dedication. We cannot show the world one thing then our lives are totally wrecked behind closed doors. If we say we trust God then that’s what we ought to demonstrate at all times. This world is not getting easier for  us much less our children to grow up in. Our desire should be to influence the next generation to be the best warriors for Christ , to raise up righteous seeds that will rise up and bear fruits throughout the world. Instead of training our children to put priority on the secular things lets train them to make decisions that would impact the kingdom of Christ for generations to come. We ought to change our mindset. We are not of this world and therefore we are not entitled to the things of this world.

So lets put on the armor of God and be battle ready at all times! Ephesians 6:11-18

Im a soldier in God’s Army

What is my purpose?

view of white clouds and blue sky

    For so long I’ve idolized the word “purpose” and what it means to have purpose. I was so obsessed with knowing what’s this special thing I possess that God has created only me to fulfill. Needless to say this quest for purpose frustrated me a lot, a whole lot. Especially those times when I thought I figured it out but me being me was always seeking for confirmation and affirmation from others, didn’t get it so I had to be wrong. At times I gave up the search.

    I remember for years I searched and prayed about finding my purpose. God would you reveal to me the special reason you created me for. I don’t recall what triggered it but I had a light bulb moment, which really shouldn’t have been one. It should’ve been a “what else did you think it would be?” moment or “what took you so long?” moment.

    Anyhoo!!!! I found my purpose. Yayyy! I know why God created me. As simple as it may sound I really do believe it’s of utmost importance. I was created to shine my light. Every single thing I do has purpose.

    For years this purpose thing has been so mysterious to a lot of us… ooh bro/ sis you need to find your purpose. People go thinking its some astronomical, complex thing, they take forever to figure it out. It’s not that hard my bro/sis. Its really not that hard.

    As a matter of fact the first thing we should instill in new-born Christians is what their purpose is, instead of letting them go roaming for something they have no idea how to find. Let them know their main purpose is to spread the good news of Christ.

    Although this is just my opinion, I believe it is vital that when new believers come to Christ that they know their purpose is to win souls for Christ. So with everything that is done we do it to shine our light. Contrary to what you may have heard, we each have the same purpose and that is to spread the gospel of Christ. Though the purpose is the same we will have different unique ways of fulfilling that purpose. Whether we sing, dance, preach, write, teach, draw it should all lead you back to fulfilling that one purpose we each have. 

    Now instead of trying to find that purpose think of what unique spin you can add to spreading the gospel of Christ. What me-ness can I add? That’s where your personality and individuality comes to play. 

   Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Mt 5:16

We each have Purpose!!!

I’m so tired of being a failure!

Ughhhhh!!!!!! Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? I know it makes me feel sick to my stomach every time. Yet I find myself in the same ditch. What tops it off, is each time I fail, I drift further and further away from God. I can’t find the strength to face God. He must be so tired of me.

relationship failure problem sad

Have you ever found yourself in this position before? Messed up yet another time and you don’t know what to do. You tell yourself well I don’t want God to think I’m bare-faced so you walk in the other direction, turning your back on the only one who can strengthen or help you.  And who do you go to? “A friend”  you lay all your burdens on that friend. Who can’t offer any real solution to your problem.

businessman office mobile phone finance

Isn’t it ironic that we say with our mouths that God is our friend but when placed in a situation to prove it, we leave God out of it, pushing Him aside, as if He’s least of our concern? How often do we say God is my refuge and my strength, my strong tower, He is my help and my fortress? Then in the same breath we question and doubt God. 

adult alone anxious black and white

I believe the devil cracks himself up every time we go back on our words. As a matter of fact he eggs us on to leave God out of the equation. He wants us to think that God will banish us forever. Now isn’t the God we serve all-knowing? He knew us before we were formed, He knows our ins and outs, ups and downs. Don’t you think that mistake you made, He knew you would’ve made it? (Hmmm? Something to think about right?) But still God saved you and He’s willing to save you over and over again. He’s not willing that any should perish but that all should have eternal life.

black and white cemetery christ church

So the next time you find yourself on the floor sinking in your failures, let God be your friend, let Him be your refuge, your strong tower, your helper, your provider. Tell him just what you would have confided in “that friend”.  He can actually help you. He’s not your refuge for the strong times but in those times when you have nowhere else to run to, He’s right there. Let’s challenge ourselves today to really make God our friend. 

belief bible book business

Labels doesn’t have to define you!

man in brown long sleeved button up shirt standing while using gray laptop computer on brown wooden table beside woman in gray long sleeved shirt sitting

Who do people say you are? Who do you say you are?

What labels are people giving to you? What labels are you giving to yourself? I know it can be very easy to accept the opinions of men as facts about your life or even your own opinions. The labels can be dumb, average, a C student, weird, a misfit, good for nothing, irresponsible, unreliable, untalented and the list goes on. But, I’ve got awesome news for you. You don’t have to accept and wear those labels. They cannot determine your potentials only God can. Do not wear those labels like a badge.

Only God can determine your potential

Who would have imagined  Saul would have been one of the greatest Apostles in history, judging from His past? NOBODY!!! He persecuted the people of God, sentencing them to be killed. How horrible… I bet his nickname was murderer.  He even said ” For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.” 1 Corinthians 15:9. But God wasn’t concerned. It goes to show nobody but God has the power to determine who you will be or what your name will be. How about the woman with the issue of blood. She was not allowed to be amongst the rest of society because they deemed her unclean. Can you imagine how those people in the crowd looked at her or treated her when the recognized who it was that was touching them… But even in her state Jesus saw value in her. He saw pass the mess and he saw her for who she could be.

What labels?

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Be Free from Labels

Forget labels whether you gave them to yourself or people gave them to you. Instead, remind yourself of what God says about you. 1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Deuteronomy 28:13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 

Jeremiah 29:11 ,Proverbs 3: 5-6Philippians 4: 6-7

 

 

A housewife in 2018? No Way!!!!

person using black and gray laptop beside white ceramic cup and saucer on white table

She works willingly with her hands

Hey housewives, I can see all the housewives are ready to stand up and give me the baddest mouth licking ever. But I come in peace, no need to get violent. I’m actually on your side. Phew!!!! Relax now!

All the equal rights and justice ladies say whaddup!!! Ok so it’s y’alls fault that housewives are viewed as lazy…. Ok just kidding … a little. The fact remains that not every woman wants to have 3/4 of their lives taken up doing something they don’t even enjoy. Not saying this is the scenario all the time but go ask all the ladies you meet that work. Go ahead and ask them how many of them enjoy what they’re doing? Or who’s ready to clock out even if they just got into work? I think you know the answer to that already.

Nothing is wrong with being a housewife!

I know it is now the view that if you want to be a housewife you have absolutely no ambition and you’re just lazy. It can be the case for some but I assure you, it’s not the case for all. Some housewives are the most creative and innovative people on this planet, hands down. Great entrepreneurial ideas are birthed from stay at home moms/ housewives. Not all stay at home moms/ housewives want to sit on the couch and do nothing. If they’re anything like me, and I do believe majority of them are like me. They’re always strategizing how to bring in more income into the household. Don’t give up on that dream or that business idea you have, invest your time to bring it to life. Be a Proverbs 31 Woman Proverbs 31: 10-31 . She was creative, business oriented she brought value to her home. Her home lacks nothing. She invested in her family. Use your time at home to perfect your skills, to find who you are so you can be the best version of yourself to give to your family. Take the time to learn new skills. Keep growing and learning.

Train up a child in the way he must go

Stay at home moms are just smart!

How many of you like having to leave your new-born baby with some random stranger (most times) just to go back out to work? It’s really hard right? Yes, I can only imagine how heart wrenching it is. Well stay at home moms put a lot of thought into this and decides that she wants to be the one to nurture and bring up her children in the ways of God. Especially in the early years when their personalities are now developing. In today’s society a lot of families are suffering because the parents don’t have enough time to spend with their family. Their jobs are consuming every ounce of their time and their energy.

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She provides food for her family

Now don’t get me wrong….

I have nothing against working moms. There are those women who doesn’t have the choice and you are putting your all into doing the best to provide for your children or family. I SEE YOU and I appreciate you! 

But if we are honest with ourselves these issues listed above do exist and some moms want to be able to change these issues. So the next time you hear a woman saying she wants to be a housewife or she is a housewife don’t frown at her as if she’s dumb. Housewives can be just as hardworking as a working woman. If you have kids, being a house wife is not an easy job at all ( all the stay at home moms say AMEN!!!).

I think it is more economical

To raise your own kids and to invest your time in your family. Skip the daycare fee, skip the nanny fee. At the end of the day anyone would tell you that family matters most. So what if the stay at home mom wants to invest her valuables to what matters most? Don’t make her feel stupid for making this decision.

I find this to be very important being a homemaker/ housewife is a ministry.

This is the 1st place you get to be a witness of the Love of Christ. God has commanded us in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; And when he is old he will not depart from it. The first people you minister to are those at home. Home makers have the task of setting the atmosphere for that household. She has the task of instilling Biblical values to her kids. If you want to win souls for Christ start at home!

Being a Housewife/ home-maker is a very important role in the eyes of God. Maybe society will never see it that way,  but who cares? Just continue to do your job as unto God. Give it your best shot. Trust me you will be rewarded.

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#Housewivesmatter

 

 

Low self esteem

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Ps 139:14 I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth fully well.

Have you ever felt so low, you had no motivation to live anymore? You know you don’t want to commit suicide but you just don’t have the urge to keep going. That has been my life for a very long time. No matter how much I kept searching to find my purpose, I always ended up being sucked in by my own thoughts of not being good enough.

Yes I have accomplished a few things worth rejoicing for, yet I managed to convinced myself they weren’t good enough. I felt such a deep unexplainable emptiness. I would quickly become overwhelmed by the fear of failing. So instead, I never even risked trying.

For almost all my life I’ve been a prisoner to my own criticism. It was the most toxic relationship I’ve ever had. I was disgusted with myself, fed up and frustrated as to why I was such a failure. I hated being me. Never found anything praise worthy about myself.  Never strong enough to believe in myself. Weak… I was weak. And the devil took advantage of my weakness. He kept adding fuel to my negative thoughts. My low self-esteem lead to fear, anxiety and depression. This I kept from most people because when I tried share a lot of people  couldn’t  understand that it was not as easy as changing my mindset. I tried thinking positively but the devil would whisper things in my ears that made sense in my mind. There was this one time I was asked not to do something in the church that I believed was my calling. This caused me to question everything. The voices in my head said things like see you’re not the only one who doesn’t think you’re good enough, others are seeing that you make no sense too, if you were good, at least  someone would have represented you and what about God isn’t He in control of everything if God didn’t believe this about you why did He allow it to happen? Those things made perfect sense so I believed and I sunk deeper and deeper in my self-doubt. This time I felt rejected by God. The enemy hits where it hurts the most.

1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking someone to devour.

He strikes at our weakest points so we need to be aware of the devices of the enemy. If you think he’ll get tired and leave you alone… think again and then think some more. He will never stop until he completely destroys your life. Even though I grew up in the church I lost my identity in Christ to Low self-esteem. I doubted His love constantly. I didn’t believe in myself so it was hard to believe in anything or anyone else.

How to identify the onset of Low self-esteem.

  1. Being overly critical about yourself
  2. Always second guessing people’s compliments
  3. Comparing yourself with others
  4. Never acknowledging your accomplishments
  5. Downplaying your achievements

God is so awesome though, He fights for you, He fought for me. He stretched His hands down and pulled me out of the mud.  He called me by my name and said I love you, I died for you, I’m waiting for you, I will never leave you.This is how I overcame, through worship, praying and fasting. In my desperation I cried out to God and He heard me. He ministered to my needs while I worshipped and prayed and He delivered me.

You can break yourself out of this bondage by doing just what I did. Cry out to God , fast and pray, and worship him. He’ll hear you and he’ll answer you. When God delivers you, don’t make the mistake to stop fighting because the enemy is always ready to battle for your soul. So you have to keep war ready. Anticipate the moves of the enemy. Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in high places.

belief bible book business

Put on the Garment of praise for the spirit of Heaviness. Isaiah 61:3

A new me intentionally!

 

28 years on this beautiful earth, feels like a very long time. At times I’d get really caught up with questioning myself and God about my state of my life. What have I accomplished? God what are your plans for my life? Do I have a specific purpose or am I just going through the motions? Do I have enough time? When am I going to get this or that done? Feeling like life and time is slipping away quickly from me. It was my extremely dumb way of feeling in control or trying to cope with the pressures of life. Constantly trying to make sense of my situation and by that I mean really stress and worry myself out.

Grew up in Guyana this place real nice, awesome food, lovely people (well most of them.. ok some of them) great places to go sight seeing in the interior… just kidding…well not really. Ok this paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with this post but Here it is. Read it.

yellow plush toy

 

My awesome husband, met him in 2013. I know what you’re thinking, yessss this is relevant to the topic, focus people. And there my life changed from not being in a relationship to taken💃… whoop whoop! 3 years later he placed a ring on it and brought me to live with him in the US after 1 year 3 months. Isn’t that awesome? Now this where things really really changed. Nothing could have prepared me for the culture shock I experienced or how many times I would feel completely lost seriously, most times I didn’t know where I was. Nor did I know it would’ve been this hard to adapt to a new place. Over my 28 years I have had to relocate ALOT! So I imagined it couldn’t be that hard. Little did I know I was in for a big surprise. I felt like I had no control over my life. I didn’t know where to start or what to do. Felt so small in such a big place and I’ma big girl😅. For the most I was bigly intimidated. More of my weaknesses (low self esteem, fear and anxiety) started to awaken (is that correct English?). My mind was constantly at it, trying to put the pieces of my life together. God knows I had to figure things out real soon. Giving my poor self a panic attack.

Then my awesome God who happens to be the one and only JESUS CHRIST🤗!! Somebody give it up for JC in da building, He allowed me to realise that He’s given me the opportunity to start completely over, which is an awesome ordeal at least that’s how He allowed me to see it… I started to think of all the things I wanted , ok…. I need to build a new and stronger relationship with God before I lose myself, I need to figure out who I am and what I want to accomplish the most ( this is the hardest part because some people believe everyone wants to hear their opinions of who they think you should be or what they think you should do. Friends you need to tone it down a notch, most times if someone doesn’t ask for your opinion it is wise to assume they dont need it. Sounds harsh right? But it’s the truth. )Anyway back to the things I want to accomplish, I want do things my way , not the way people expect me to do it. I want to be happy like genuinely happy. I must be able to look back at my life and sing that song I did it myyyyyyyy way with the most gigantic pearly cream teeth (ok no I will get my teeth whitened, I believe it’s all that brown rice I does eat… just kidding) smile ever.

So I’m brushing the pressure off. The pressure of life, the pressure to please everyone but myself. Always putting myself aside leaving myself undone. No more! This new me will no longer be scared to dream big, this new me will put all her efforts to making her dreams a reality. This new me will let go and let God ketch me(👀 catch me… I always thought ketch was a real word… or is it?🤔). I will trust in the Lord and stop giving myself high blood pressure. My God will take care of me, He will take care, take care of me!!!

 

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