My memories…

One of the areas I’ve been challenged the most in is my memory. I have been struggling with my memory. At first I thought maybe its just a simple thing but it has kept me bound for a while. Its been one of the things the enemy has been using to devalue my self-worth.

I am very easily disoriented , like seriously your girl got lost in an area that I know very well, right on camp street, Georgetown, Guyana. I remember walking out of the mall and everything was in the opposite direction. The buses were going the wrong way, I was standing on the wrong side of the road, at least that’s how I felt. I really didn’t know what was going on. Lets not talk about here in the USA, I’ll just say it’s very hard getting around.  My attention to detail is minimal, if I see you and I don’t consciously make an effort to remember what you’re wearing, if someone asks me to describe your outfit I won’t be able to. I’d be having a conversation with you and lose my entire train of thought. Or if I’m retelling an event I won’t remember the order in which things happen or I’d either forget parts of what had happened. I remember faces sometimes but I won’t remember where or how I know that face. I’d just finish reading a passage and can’t tell you one thing I’ve read unless I read it two or three times. Yep the struggle is real.

I don’t necessarily want to be a preacher but I do want to be able to defend the gospel and spread it to as much persons as possible. But I often recoiled from doing it because of the fear of not remembering the verses or where it’s taken from.  In order  to quote scriptures I’d have to be reading it, or I’d have to rephrase it.  Sad right? 

Will I let this stop me, though? The old me would be sinking in depression but though I am weak I serve a God who is strong. So if I have to read every scripture in order to spread the gospel, that’s what I will do. I write a lot because it helps me to remember my thoughts, it keeps me focused. So if I have to write about God to let people know about him, thats what I will do. I’ll serve Him right where I’m at, with what I have.

I get so Jealous when I hear people reciting passages from the bible while I struggle to remember one verse. Oh how I wish I could be able to remember stuff like that.  Yes it hurts, it hurts like crazy. I’ve never really spoken about it before because I was afraid I’d be seen as an invalid. But I realize now its ok that you know my weaknesses because it is in my weakness that God’s strength is made perfect. Therefore I will rather boast in my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. As “my Pastor” 🙂  said we serve the God of the impossible , so when we’re faced with situations we have no control over , it’s time to rejoice because the God that we serve is more than able. He specializes in miracles. We get to show off our God. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Boasting in my weaknesses allows my faith to become stronger. When I do overcome obstacles, weaknesses and trials, I know it is not I who did it but Christ’s power working in and through me. 

black and white people bar men

So if you’re using your inabilities to deter you from living and working for Christ, stop it. That’s no excuse , what you’re unable to do, God is able! He’s ALL POWERFUL! Give that weakness to God, rest it entirely at His feet. God  you do what you alone can, turn my mess into a message, use my weakness to show forth your perfect strength . Let that be our prayer every time the enemy uses our weakness as a weapon to cripple us.

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