Ps 139:14 I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth fully well.
Have you ever felt so low, you had no motivation to live anymore? You know you don’t want to commit suicide but you just don’t have the urge to keep going. That has been my life for a very long time. No matter how much I kept searching to find my purpose, I always ended up being sucked in by my own thoughts of not being good enough.
Yes I have accomplished a few things worth rejoicing for, yet I managed to convinced myself they weren’t good enough. I felt such a deep unexplainable emptiness. I would quickly become overwhelmed by the fear of failing. So instead, I never even risked trying.
For almost all my life I’ve been a prisoner to my own criticism. It was the most toxic relationship I’ve ever had. I was disgusted with myself, fed up and frustrated as to why I was such a failure. I hated being me. Never found anything praise worthy about myself. Never strong enough to believe in myself. Weak… I was weak. And the devil took advantage of my weakness. He kept adding fuel to my negative thoughts. My low self-esteem lead to fear, anxiety and depression. This I kept from most people because when I tried share a lot of people couldn’t understand that it was not as easy as changing my mindset. I tried thinking positively but the devil would whisper things in my ears that made sense in my mind. There was this one time I was asked not to do something in the church that I believed was my calling. This caused me to question everything. The voices in my head said things like see you’re not the only one who doesn’t think you’re good enough, others are seeing that you make no sense too, if you were good, at least someone would have represented you and what about God isn’t He in control of everything if God didn’t believe this about you why did He allow it to happen? Those things made perfect sense so I believed and I sunk deeper and deeper in my self-doubt. This time I felt rejected by God. The enemy hits where it hurts the most.
1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking someone to devour.
He strikes at our weakest points so we need to be aware of the devices of the enemy. If you think he’ll get tired and leave you alone… think again and then think some more. He will never stop until he completely destroys your life. Even though I grew up in the church I lost my identity in Christ to Low self-esteem. I doubted His love constantly. I didn’t believe in myself so it was hard to believe in anything or anyone else.
How to identify the onset of Low self-esteem.
- Being overly critical about yourself
- Always second guessing people’s compliments
- Comparing yourself with others
- Never acknowledging your accomplishments
- Downplaying your achievements
God is so awesome though, He fights for you, He fought for me. He stretched His hands down and pulled me out of the mud. He called me by my name and said I love you, I died for you, I’m waiting for you, I will never leave you.This is how I overcame, through worship, praying and fasting. In my desperation I cried out to God and He heard me. He ministered to my needs while I worshipped and prayed and He delivered me.
You can break yourself out of this bondage by doing just what I did. Cry out to God , fast and pray, and worship him. He’ll hear you and he’ll answer you. When God delivers you, don’t make the mistake to stop fighting because the enemy is always ready to battle for your soul. So you have to keep war ready. Anticipate the moves of the enemy. Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in high places.
Put on the Garment of praise for the spirit of Heaviness. Isaiah 61:3