28 years on this beautiful earth, feels like a very long time. At times I’d get really caught up with questioning myself and God about my state of my life. What have I accomplished? God what are your plans for my life? Do I have a specific purpose or am I just going through the motions? Do I have enough time? When am I going to get this or that done? Feeling like life and time is slipping away quickly from me. It was my extremely dumb way of feeling in control or trying to cope with the pressures of life. Constantly trying to make sense of my situation and by that I mean really stress and worry myself out.
Grew up in Guyana this place real nice, awesome food, lovely people (well most of them.. ok some of them) great places to go sight seeing in the interior… just kidding…well not really. Ok this paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with this post but Here it is. Read it.
My awesome husband, met him in 2013. I know what you’re thinking, yessss this is relevant to the topic, focus people. And there my life changed from not being in a relationship to taken💃… whoop whoop! 3 years later he placed a ring on it and brought me to live with him in the US after 1 year 3 months. Isn’t that awesome? Now this where things really really changed. Nothing could have prepared me for the culture shock I experienced or how many times I would feel completely lost seriously, most times I didn’t know where I was. Nor did I know it would’ve been this hard to adapt to a new place. Over my 28 years I have had to relocate ALOT! So I imagined it couldn’t be that hard. Little did I know I was in for a big surprise. I felt like I had no control over my life. I didn’t know where to start or what to do. Felt so small in such a big place and I’ma big girl😅. For the most I was bigly intimidated. More of my weaknesses (low self esteem, fear and anxiety) started to awaken (is that correct English?). My mind was constantly at it, trying to put the pieces of my life together. God knows I had to figure things out real soon. Giving my poor self a panic attack.
Then my awesome God who happens to be the one and only JESUS CHRIST🤗!! Somebody give it up for JC in da building, He allowed me to realise that He’s given me the opportunity to start completely over, which is an awesome ordeal at least that’s how He allowed me to see it… I started to think of all the things I wanted , ok…. I need to build a new and stronger relationship with God before I lose myself, I need to figure out who I am and what I want to accomplish the most ( this is the hardest part because some people believe everyone wants to hear their opinions of who they think you should be or what they think you should do. Friends you need to tone it down a notch, most times if someone doesn’t ask for your opinion it is wise to assume they dont need it. Sounds harsh right? But it’s the truth. )Anyway back to the things I want to accomplish, I want do things my way , not the way people expect me to do it. I want to be happy like genuinely happy. I must be able to look back at my life and sing that song I did it myyyyyyyy way with the most gigantic pearly cream teeth (ok no I will get my teeth whitened, I believe it’s all that brown rice I does eat… just kidding) smile ever.
So I’m brushing the pressure off. The pressure of life, the pressure to please everyone but myself. Always putting myself aside leaving myself undone. No more! This new me will no longer be scared to dream big, this new me will put all her efforts to making her dreams a reality. This new me will let go and let God ketch me(👀 catch me… I always thought ketch was a real word… or is it?🤔). I will trust in the Lord and stop giving myself high blood pressure. My God will take care of me, He will take care, take care of me!!!